RENWL

Left to Right: My Uncle Roy, Aunt Jessie, my mother Doris Jean (the big ham and baby in the center) , Aunt Cleo, Uncle Junior (Albert Charles): photo circa 1946-47

Senior Pastor Joshua Beckely

Ecclesia Christian Fellowship

1314 Date Street

San Bernardino, CA 92404

Dear Pastor Beckley:

We’ve never met. My name is Derrick Mathis. I’m a Los Angeles-based writer. I blog at a Website called RENWL. That name RENWL is actually an acronym for Restore Equality Now, West Adams, Los Angeles South. I am an African American gay man and community activist who lives in the West Adams area of South Los Angeles. I felt the need to reach out to you after my receiving the news about the most recent petition regarding Prop 8.

I hope this letter finds you well. I understand that Thursday a California court has refused to order Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Jerry Brown to appeal a ruling that overturned the state’s gay marriage ban. While I won’t lie and say I was not pleased to hear this news, I am not by any means writing you to gloat over this latest development.

Based on your commitment to the continued and unchanged definition of marriage I thought since this latest effort didn’t quite work out, that perhaps I could interest you in some other very pressing issues that could use the input of a committed man of the cloth in the African American community. In doing a little background research you seem to be a man who cares deeply and takes every opportunity to give back.

That's NaNa my maternal grandmother (Lillie Mae Earle) and my grandfather Poppa (Gilmore Earle) when they were courting. Circa 1930's ish. I miss my NaNa so much, best cook in the world. My Poppa. I loved them so much. If you look in the background there's man with a gun on his hip. That's the way they roll in Texas to this day.

You’re a father, a devoted husband, man of the cloth and community leader. We so need many more like you to help shape the direction of the black community . You must be aware of this already.

There’s a specific issue that hit me HARD in recent days. It came to me in the form of video in a news article. I’d like to share it with you. And please do not be concerned. There’s nothing offensive or unsavory about the contents. But it is very saddening. And its effects continue to rip through our community almost completely unchecked.

You may be aware of NY Jets player Antonio Cromartie. A week or so ago he he was asked about his family, specifically to name all of his children on camera. In the video, Cromartie is seen discussing being a father and when finally asked to name all EIGHT of his children—this is eight children from six different mothers spanned across several states. Cromartie could barely name all of his children. Here’s the video:

A sportswriter called this one of the most shameful moments in NFL history. I beg to differ. I find it one of the most shameful recent moments in black American history. The fact that an issue hasn’t previously been made of this gives you an idea of how poorly the idea of the “Family” unit is regarded to a lot of people. While being a father and having children is an amazing thing, it’s not something that should be abused.  We won’t even get into the disregard for possibly being infected or spreading sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) on this gentleman’s behalf in terms of multiple partners and unsafe sexual expression.  I think I speak for many others whether they are straight or gay when I say I hope and pray that he gives each one of his children the respect, attention, and help they need.

Paster Beckley, the up side of this particular scenario is that Cromartie being a professional football player and of considerable means, he is paying child support for his children—$500,000.00, to be exact. At least, that’s the last amount we heard. But as you and I both know, his is an exceptional situation.

My baby sister, 22 years old. Workin' on that hair last Thanksgiving morning. She is also a single mother raising a child among the village called my family.

In 1963, a fourth of nonwhite births in this country were out of wedlock, eight times the proportion among whites. Today, black nonmarital births have soared to more than 72 percent among non-Hispanic blacks, compared with about 28 percent for whites. What’s even more eye-opening about the latest statistics is that it doesn’t conclude that these children are born to black teen mothers.

No, sir. It’s rising 34 percent since 2002, for example, in women ages 30 to 34. In 2007, women in their 20s had 60 percent of all babies born out of wedlock, teenagers had 23 percent and women 30 and older had 17 percent. In comparison with world statistics however, the New York Times states that out-of-wedlock births are also rising in much of the industrialized world: in Iceland, 66 percent of children are born to unmarried mothers; in Sweden, the share is 55 percent. (In other societies, though, the phenomenon remains rare — just 2 percent in Japan, for example.)

But getting back to the situation in the US and among blacks: children born out of wedlock in the United States tend to have poorer health and educational outcomes than those born to married women, but that may be because unmarried mothers tend to share those problems.

Pastor Beckley I’m almost certain that you’re well aware of all of the above and please forgive me if I’m being redundant by reintroducing these statistics and facts to you. But the whole point behind my sharing this with you is that there is an obvious breakdown in terms of the family unit in the black community. The problem is so paramount that I have to be honest, when I see our black church leaders making themselves so visible in matters such as same-sex marriage, I sincerely wonder with deep frustration and sometimes a sense of hopelessness if their priorities are in tandem with the realities impacting the greater black community of this nation.

I’m sure you’re familiar with Rev. Harry Jackson of Washington DC. You know, the funny thing about Rev. Jackson is that if you ever meet him or just observe him when he’s engaged in discussion with someone who supports gay marriage,  one can’t help but ending up liking the man. At least that’s my experience. He has a very humble spirit about him. Very gracious and gentle in his way of being. And he listens and takes it all in before he responds. Other than his opposition to marriage equality, I think he’s just a class act all the way around.

My baby sister's little girl. Thuglette, Bad Stuff, Little Monster, BeBe's kid, Rug Rat...the various nicknames I call her when we're together. Her name is Mya. And she is every beat of my heart.

Every time I see him in debate or in interview or discussion, I think to myself, wow, what an IMPACT this brotha could make if he focused his message SOLELY on salvaging the black family and campaigning nationally to support our heterosexual brothers and sisters in redressing marriage, commitment, sexual expression between themselves, and the single-parent crisis that has gripped the black community. What an amazing and unstoppable spirit he would be if he rechanneled his energies on helping black communities across the nation to create support systems for so many of these young black men without fathers and teaching all the while a different value system that includes strong preservation of the black family.

If we had even a half dozen of those kind of black religious leaders zipping across the nation back and forth working exclusively in this regard I do believe in time our community would experience the change that we all would like to see.

Pastor Beckley, I write this letter to you not to discourage you from your beliefs or your commitment to your beliefs. I write this letter to you asking you to re-examine all the wonderful truly abundant possibilities for the black community if we decided to focus on our community in a way that serves to strengthen it in every imaginable capacity.

That focus would be on the black family.

And what are the factors that lend to destroying the black family—TODAY. RIGHT NOW. Those things that are serving RIGHT NOW to deteriorate our families: joblessness, poverty, poor education, fatherlessness, high incarceration of our young men—HIV/AIDS infection exploding through the roof in our women and same gender loving men and no prevention funding from the government or state—-so many issues on the menu right now.

My cousin Karen, a single-mother herself (we were raised together) and her beautiful children, a set of twins (boy and girl) and her older son. All grown now. I'm so proud of them. How sad part of my pride is that neither of the boys both college educated, has fathered a child out of wedlock, nor their sister with child.

At this time it is my feeling that gay marriage is not one of the issues our community is currently struggling with. If gay marriage in California does come about, and if it truly be a threat to the black family when it does, which quite honesty I don’t believe as such—-but in fairness if so, then gay marriage will be like all of the issues which existed before it. And it will  just simply take a number and get in line with the rest of the ills blacks are grappling with in terms of the continued erosion of the black family.

That’s just how bad things have become. Another issue, another problem? Take a number.

Can’t we all work together? Can’t we work to build an inclusive world for our children, all God’s children, to receive the love and nurturing all of them so righteously deserve, today? Can’t we work to create a unified vision as black people that serves to empower all of us?

Family means everything to me. I love my family so much—my siblings, nieces and nephews, my mother, my belated father, that deceased grandmother who worked in the cotton fields of Texas as a child—couldn’t go to school cause she had to help put food on the table. I miss that old lady. I miss her love for the Lord and her strength, and her vast all encompassing love for her children and grandchildren. Most of all I miss her abundant and bottomless love for me. When I told her at 19 years of age that I was gay, she told me, “you are my child. I will love you no matter what.”

I believe that was the day that I finally decided to believe in God, to truly accept God. Before that day I couldn’t. God seemed to belong to someone else. I was afraid and ashamed of who and what I was, the feelings I had. There was no place in God’s heart for me.  But finally one day I broke down. And through tears told my NaNa everything. I did this because I trusted her and loved her so much. Throughout all my childhood she never made me feel bad about being me. I knew she wouldn’t turn her back on me if I told her my truth. So I shared with her the things I felt and my fear and shame. And then she said what she said. It was like a great weight was lifted from me. The way I saw it, if Nana loved me no matter what, then God had to feel the same.

And that’s because I learned everything I knew about about God through her. NaNa’s love was unquestionably God’s love as far as I was concerned. Nobody loves the way she did, live with such abundance, gratitude for life and not be a true child of the Lord. Now I’m not the churchy type. I’m not gonna lie. And yes Pastor Beckley, I do believe in the Lord.  And his merciful love for all his children.

I guess I’m rambling now going down Memory Lane and all.  Pastor Beckley, I do wish you consider all the things I’m saying in this letter. So many of us black gay and lesbian people, we’re so embedded in our community, our families. Those are our primary relationships for most of us. We too, see and witness what’s happening and what’s been happening to the black family—the black community. Gay folks are not going anywhere married or not married, Pastor. We’ve been here and we’re going to stay here—here meaning the black community. I think it’s time that we speak to you, reach out to you and others from the capacity of fellow community members who are also deeply concerned about our families, our children, our young men and women, our future.

Again I hope this letter finds you well, Pastor Beckley. I look forward to receiving your thoughts.

Best,

Derrick Mathis

RENWL

renwl@renwl.org

UPDATE: Pastor Beckley responded to this open letter. You can read his response here: Pastor Beckley Responds To Our Open Letter On His Petition To Defend Prop 8, Gay Black Folks, And The Black Family.